You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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