she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
