Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
