I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
