Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
