EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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