How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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