when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
