Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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