Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
