i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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