at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
