You can't motorboat a personality
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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