so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
