I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
