Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
