capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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