So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
