I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
