This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
