I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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