I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Drunk is not a location!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
