At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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