So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
