I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
