Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
