new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
