i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
