i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
