Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
