I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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