made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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