please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
