oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
