He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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