i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm passing your future prison.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
