I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
