East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
