the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
