Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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