if i can run in heels then i can drive
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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