who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
two words...techno handjob
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
