I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
