Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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