i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's never too late to be topless.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
