that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
