I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
