and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
