he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
