why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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