Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
