you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
