WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
