I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My balls are so social today.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
