Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
