People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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