Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i came on her dog
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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