Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
