I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
