we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
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Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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