How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
