I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
