Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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