I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
