Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
