"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
