i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
