I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
