the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
